This is a day in which I did not get my hair cut. I did not do the work I had brought home, I did not read for pleasure, I did not get any work done on my garden. I got the time wrong for my hair cut and found myself without childcare and at music class during that time. There were too many puttering things that got in the way of work and reading. The rain put the kibosh on gardening activities.
I felt at loose ends all day, with too many things to do and not enough time to do any of them well. The baby is (as always) teething, and his palpable discomfort was like a low mosquito buzz in the back of my brain. When he was in bed and our dinner was on the table, I clinked beer bottles with my husband and said: “I think I’m all done. I’ve done the ‘working mother’ thing for about a year now, and it was really cool at first. Challenging. I liked stretching myself to cook all of our food from scratch, and bring our lunches, and keep a clean house. I’ve done a pretty good job of it, I think. But I think it’s time I earned my badge and bowed out.”
In response, my husband looked at me and said, “OK.” Of course, he didn’t mean it, any more than I meant what I said. There is a certain part of me that would love to drop out, tend my garden and my child (children?), and tidy my house. Or not. Sometimes it’s nice to let that part of me have a voice, and to have it be listened to.
So, Fabulous Thing #72: Speaking the truth…or at least the truth of the moment.